Characters that I’m in love with….
Obviously, I can’t have a real relationship. I just live vicariously through fictional characters instead and here’s a list of my fictional character crushes that I would date so hard if I had the chance to. I’ve noticed that all of these are from YA books, which seems to be a bit of a theme for me, but I’m sure you’re all just pleased that this list has a lack of Christian Gray (who scares the beejusus out of me) and Edward Cullen (although, when talking Twilight I am Team Edward as opposed to Jacob.)
Let us begin!
#5 Mel Forrest (Bermudez Triangle – Maureen Johnson)
The description of Mel is thus: she’s shy, she’s skinny, she has red hair and she’s all kinds of adorable. In my head, she looked just like Emma Stone, and well, people who follow my tumblr or know me in real life will know I have a really huge planet sized crush on Emma Stone (we’re talking Jupiter more than Mercury sized). In fact, Mel would be the exact kind of girl that I would probably look twice at on the bus or in town. Slight spoiler for if you’ve yet to read that book but – Avery, just… Why?!
#4 Etienne St Clare (Anna and the French Kiss – Stephanie Perkins.)
Being British, hearing a boy with a London accent isn’t going to do much to turn my head, it’s St Clare’s other qualities which earn him a place on this list. Ok, so he’s described as having beautiful brown eyes. He has what Anna describes as being musicians hair which is dark brown and a bit messy but in that really amazingly sort of styled musician kind of way. He’s got crooked teeth apparently (I put that down to having spent time in London – we’re notoriously bad when it comes to having good teeth I’m assured by the rest of the world). It’s kind of nice to see a male character in a romance that doesn’t have some sort of inner angst going on (Jace Wayland I’m looking at you). From the moment Anna meets him we’re assaulted with her various descriptions of how hot he is – in my mind he looks a lot like Harry Styles of One Direction fame. But alas, I am too young for Harry Styles. During the unfolding of Anna and the French Kiss, it is shown that Etienne St Clare is a massive film buff, he’s multi lingual, he’s smart, he takes her on romantic sight seeing tours, he’s loyal, he’s Anna’s bezzie mate when she needs one. I mean, yeah ok, for pretty much the whole book he’s dating someone else that he won’t finish with but hey, no one said he was perfect.
#3 Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter series – J K Rowling)
I know. Apparently everyone loves a bad boy, this one is mine. But in fairness to Draco Malfoy, he’s my special snowflake. You have to hear me out, normally if someone is a racist, upper middle class snob with a family history of hate crimes and a bully through out their time at school it’s an automatic no from me. I think with Malfoy, the fact that he’s played by Tom Felton in the films helps immensely but also I think a lot of the hatred for Malfoy comes from Harry’s narrative. Just like the hatred for Cedric. Harry dislikes Malfoy (rightfully in a lot of instances) but Malfoy wasn’t all bad. He was insanely jealous of Harry in the beginning which led to him being mean to him. As the series develops Malfoy joins Umbridge’s group and all of that in a way to get some attention, to be as respected and known through out the school as Harry. Personally, I don’t think Malfoy was (mudblood instance excepted – I think that was a bit Snape foreshadowing personally) as bad as his father. Certainly, the whole Dumbledore thing he did out of fear that his family would be murdered He was one of the few Slytherin’s that stayed for the battle and there were two instances where he didn’t give Harry up to the death eaters towards the end of the series. In my mind, when reading it, Draco Malfoy was always a little tortured and acted the way he did because of an immense pressure from his family. Plus, he reminded me of Spike from Buffy.
#2 Simon Lewis (The Mortal Instruments Series – Cassandra Clare)
I know everyone is supposed to worship Jace Wayland/Lightwood/Morgernstern/Herondale/ Whatever the eff you want to call him, but honestly, Jace kind of grates on me. I mean, I don’t hate him enough to not read the books but from the get go I was always surprised why Clary went for Jace when she had someone like Simon at her beck and call. Simon is witty where as Jace is sarcastic, as the description says, Simon was the sort of boy who’d come over to your house to pick you up for a date, be polite to your parents and nice to your pets, that’s the sort of boy that I like. He’s practical, trustworthy, has Clary’s best interests at heart, he’s in a band, he has an exhaustive collection of printed t shirts, Clary constantly seems to be exasperated by his geeky nature and later on in the series he’s got the whole vampire mojo going for him. In fact, not only is he a vampire but he’s a mark of cain wearing daylighter. If that doesn’t say keeper then I don’t know what does.
You know what, Clary, you have Jace and be happy, I want Simon.
#1 Augustus Waters (The Fault in Our Stars – John Green)
“Augustus Waters was a self-aggrandizing bastard. But we forgive him. We forgive him not because he had a heart so figuratively good as his literal one sucked, or because he knew more about how to hold a cigarette than any nonsmoker in history, or because he got eighteen years when he should have gotten more….I’m telling Augustus Waters talked so much that he’d interrupt his own funeral. And he was pretentious: Sweet Jesus Christ, that kid never took a piss without pondering the abundant metaphorical resonances of human waste production. And he was vain: I do not believe I have ever met a more physically attractive person who was more acutely aware of his own physical attractiveness.
But I will say this: when the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him.
And then, having made my rhetorical point, I will put the robot eyes on, because I mean, with robot eyes you can probably see through girls’ shirts and stuff. Augustus, my friend, Godspeed. ”
Now, Augustus Waters, how can I begin to describe Augustus Waters…?
Honestly, he had me at the correct use of literally, he had Hazel at this moment: Long and leanly muscular, he dwarfed the molded plastic elementary school chair he was sitting in. Mahogany hair, straight and short. He looked my age, maybe a year older, and he sat with his tailbone against the edge of the chair, his posture aggressively poor, one hand half in a pocket of dark jeans…Look, let me just say it: He was hot.
He reads, he uses big words, he buys cigarettes but doesn’t smoke them as a stand against cancer, he plays computer games not to win but to save the lives of the characters of the games. Seriously, how do I love thee Augustus? Let me count the ways…
And so those are my fictional partners.
I’m interested to know what everyone else would have picked, I’m sure there would have been a few more classic characters in there had I done this a few years ago!