I feel like we have all known each other well enough for me to have a moan sometimes, so if you’re not into that, maybe come back on Monday, where I promise there will be something a bit less depressing for you to read, but honestly, I am kind of feeling a little rubbish and I would appreciate some helpful advice from you lovely people.
The thing is, here’s a story I have told YouTube, but I haven’t told WordPress: I failed NaNoWriMo. This might not be a big deal for a lot of people, but this is the first year since I started taking part in NaNoWriMo that I have completely failed, sometimes I don’t always hit the target, but I do at least have something that is a workable first draft, this year, I managed a grand total of 5,000 words, which when you consider that I used to be able to bash out that in 2 hours, is a complete and utter failure for me. Although November was a super busy month for me, what with doing the 6 week challenge, a book genre challenge and all the general things that life throws at you, my NaNoWriMo failure goes much deeper than simply not having the time, I have writer’s block.
Again, this might not be a big deal for some people and having writer’s block is something that happens to the best of us, I know this, but honestly, I have no idea what to do. I live, eat and breathe words, I’ve been writing literally since I could hold a pen, but for the past month or so, I have been completely incapable of writing well… Anything. Which, if you happen to work at a newspaper, is quite a big problem. It has taken me several days to get to this point in the blog. I need help.
Have you guys ever experienced someone repeatedly telling you that you’re good at something, then you go and do the thing and it doesn’t turn out the way you want it to, or you just can’t do it for whatever reason and you feel like your entire life is a lie and that everything is imploding around you? Well that is exactly how having writer’s block is affecting me, it’s not just the fact that I have to write a newspaper every week, it’s the fact that writing is literally the only thing that I can do, it’s the only thing I have confidence in. I mean, yeah ok, I sort of know how to play the keyboard and the ukulele and the bass, but although I know the notes and I read music, I am not very rhythmical, so although I CAN do it, I’m not very good at it. Putting words into sentences and creating reactions in people based on those sentences, that is something that I can do and do well. Only… apparently, not at the moment.
People who follow me on Twitter will know from my Twitter bio that I am in a perpetual state of existential crisis. Most of you probably think that this is me trying to be funny, but there is literally nothing funny about being cripplingly self aware, I have been having an existential crisis since I was about fourteen, which coupled with ocassional bouts of depression and anxiety doesn’t make for a particularly fun time, but it was ok, because I could be creative out of that mess, now that I can’t string a sentence together, now that the words that usually buzz around my head are all on holiday, it’s like the existential crisis has intensified. I literally have to force myself to get up and go to work, because there is no point in working or getting out of bed, life is meaningless, my life without words is meaningless.
So I am asking, dear people of the internet, please help me. I did a request in this here video for help too, but I’m just as awful at voicing my thoughts as I currently am at writing them… Basically I need help. I need to find some way to get over this block, I need the words back, just to keep me sane. Apologies for the depressing nature of this post, apologies that this blog isn’t as fun a place as it usually is and apologies for going on about it. I want to get back into writing again, I want to be able to complete another novel, I want to be able to finish what I attempted to start for NaNoWriMo and I want to be able to finally finish the sequel to Funky Jack Bonkins. Mostly though, I want more reviews like this one and this one.
In case you saw the mass amount of text and thought to yourself, TLDR, or Leah, you can’t possibly have writer’s block, look at how long this is, then check out the video version below.